10 ways to justify your bad habits

1.) Note that Nabisco scientists recently confirmed a study by Nestle that an apple is no better for you than a plate of cookies.

Photo collage of cookies and an apple with an equals sign


2.) A 45-minute bike ride is bound to burn off that cake.

Eric Wareheim as Carol Henderson on a bicycle


3.) Isn’t it normal to regurgitate a little into your mouth after a meal?

Man patting his full exposed belly.

4.) But the French eat it, and they’re all skinny.

Triplets eating pastries.


5.) Two martinis and a beer is a perfectly acceptable way to process a sh@tty day at work.

Two extremely drunk men at a table.


6.) French fries are made from vegetables. So is ketchup.

French fries and ketchup.


7.) Flipping through pictures of celebrities on a tiny little screen for three hours straight can’t possibly have any negative effects on my attention span or IQ.

A girl looking at a phone.


8.) It’s not necessary to leave one’s house every day, is it?

Woman on couch staring off into space.


9.) It’s important that I know what all of my exes and former high school classmates are doing–and who they’re doing it with–on any given day.

A woman with headphones sitting at a desk in front of a computer.


10.) Getting out of bed before 1:30pm is just something over-achievers do.

Horse sleeping in a field.




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