1.) Note that Nabisco scientists recently confirmed a study by Nestle that an apple is no better for you than a plate of cookies.
2.) A 45-minute bike ride is bound to burn off that cake.
3.) Isn’t it normal to regurgitate a little into your mouth after a meal?
4.) But the French eat it, and they’re all skinny.
5.) Two martinis and a beer is a perfectly acceptable way to process a sh@tty day at work.
6.) French fries are made from vegetables. So is ketchup.
7.) Flipping through pictures of celebrities on a tiny little screen for three hours straight can’t possibly have any negative effects on my attention span or IQ.
8.) It’s not necessary to leave one’s house every day, is it?
9.) It’s important that I know what all of my exes and former high school classmates are doing–and who they’re doing it with–on any given day.
10.) Getting out of bed before 1:30pm is just something over-achievers do.