Listen up, Baby Boomers. Yes, that’s those of you born between 1946 and 1964. And, while we’re at it, here’s a refresher on the other gens:
Generation X: Those born between 1965 and 1980.
Millennials: Those born between 1981 and 2000.
I was born right on the cusp of Gen X and Millennial: I roll my eyes when I hear about Trigger Warnings, but I also resent the complacency of the older, more established Gen Xers. That said, I should probably direct this list at older Gen Xers, all Baby Boomers, the WWII generation, and anyone living in a bubble of privilege.
1.) “We had to buy a house in this neighborhood way outside of (fill in city name) because we couldn’t afford anything in the city. When we sold it–even though we’d made all these improvements on it–we didn’t get a penny more than what we’d originally paid.”
(You don’t bother mentioning that you can only afford to couch surf at your mom’s.)
2.) “You’re having trouble finding a better job? You just need to try harder.”
Thanks, Baby Boomer Jane. Now go back to 1988.
3.) “Why don’t you take (fill in course name) at (fill in college name)? Maybe then you’ll find a better job.”
Great advice! I’ll go $75,000 into debt getting my 3rd degree and STILL not be guaranteed a job–or at least not a job that will pay off that mountain of loans. As a sign of my gratitude, would you co-sign this loan?
4.) “I’m taking a sick day, so I can go to the doctor.”
I’m not resentful or anything, but screw you and your good health insurance and your paid sick days. I’m uninsured/I’m still on my parents insurance/I have such a high deductible that I can’t afford to go to the doctor. As for sick days, see numbers 5 & 7.
5.) “(Fill in major national holiday) is a paid holiday for you, isn’t it?”
Paid holidays? What are those? I work part-time and don’t get paid holidays/I’m a contract worker and don’t get paid holidays/I’m a temp and don’t get paid holidays/I’m unemployed and every day is like an UNPAID holiday.
6.) “I’m really enjoying my retirement.”
Yeah? Are you now? Enjoy it for the both of us because most Millennials will be working until the day we die. Assuming the Earth is still intact enough to support human life by then.
7.) “I had a great time on my vacation to (fill in name of country).”
Good for you. No, FABULOUS for you. In order for me to take a vacation, not only do I have to dig into my meager savings, but I don’t get paid time off which makes it doubly cost prohibitive. Oh, thanks for the t-shirt. Which island is this? Oahu?
8.) “My boys are home from college for the holidays.”
That’s so wonderful that you can spend some quality time with your kids. If I were to have 2 kids tomorrow and send them to an institution of higher learning in 20 years, it would cost me $205,000 per kid. Considering what I make, I’ll be lucky if I can afford to HAVE kids let alone send them to college. Say hi to Tyler and Dirk for me!
9.) “We took cruises to the Balkans and Alaska this year.”
Wait, let me get this straight: you were so well-compensated at your job–and got a pension to boot–that you could retire and then travel the world? I hope you get pick-pocketed on the subway AND mugged the next time you’re abroad.
10.) “Oh, good for you, teaching French classes at (fill in name of college/university).”
Do you know what “adjunct” means? It’s a euphemism for part-time worker. And when you add in all the prep and administrative time, an adjunct gets paid the same as someone working the cash register at Hobby Lobby. Now board your little head-in-the-sand plane and fly back to the 70’s when there was job security and the possibility of advancement in higher ed.