I turned 36 this week and am taking stock. Here’s what’s going well–and not so well–in my life.
- I have a boyfriend who is devoted to me, willing to put up with my sh@t, gives me a bear hug when I’m feeling hopeless, makes me laugh, and enjoys taking rambling walks and bike rides with me.
- A freakin’ adorable, silly cat with personality to burn that I’ve known since the moment she popped out of her mom’s uterus.
- A steady job.
- Another part-time job teaching at a community college.
- Loved ones near by with homes I could sleep in if it ever came to that.
- Good health.
- The ability to ride my bike safely several times a week.
- The ability to meditate.
- Having access to affordable healthcare.
- Being in better shape than I was as a teenager.
- A freakin’ adorable, silly cat who meows and steps all over me in the middle of the night.
- A steady job that pays me $4 below the proposed minimum wage and doesn’t offer any benefits.
- An extremely part-time job teaching at a community college that requires me to sign class contracts months in advance, but often cancels my classes with only a week’s notice.
- A lot of unanswered resumes and job applications. Rejections following the few job interviews I’ve gotten.
- Loved ones with psychological and substance-abuse problems, who can be painful to be around.
- Friends who I often isolate myself from because I work in customer service and get burned-out on social interaction.
- Knowing how to meditate, but still not doing it. Then beating myself up because of it.
- Being self-destructive and self-pitying (see #8, for example).
- Having affordable healthcare that might be canceled any given month depending on my income.
- A good sprouting of white hair. Yes, bone white hair. Sometimes I dye it, but mostly I just let it sprout.
It looks like the good equals the bad. In that case, let me repeat a favorite aphorism:
At the darkest hour, you can either light a candle or curse the darkness.